决择。。。对与错。？？不晓得。。。

又是一个彻夜难眠的夜晚。。这样的思绪纠缠了好一段的日子。。今晚， 想好好乘这个机会， 利用这个第三空间来整顿好我的情绪。。好让我发泄， 正确来说， 是让我哭诉自己挣扎已久， 到如今还无法作出的决定。。我选择不大声说出我的计划，我的烦恼。。 不是因为我不需要任何人的意见， 而是， 连我自己都无法給一个完美，肯定的答案给自己， 不知道自个儿想要个怎样的方向。。何敢奢望得到别人那么一点点的意见？
一路以来， 我以为我很清楚，明白， 了解 ， 我想要的是什麽 ？

今天， 终于有了一股很强烈的感觉， 我已废了 整整 两 个月 了， 还记得放假前， 计划好几样的活动，行程表， 好好利用短短的， 仅仅的， 最后的，假期。。学校假期。。锻炼， 充实自己， 事情往往就是不能预期实现， 想与行的距离。。好远好远。。。这证明了什么? 说白了， 还不是我的自以为的了解， 身体的生理系统出现了好多不明物体- 懒惰虫在做大戏。总而言之， 错误的想法与失败的决定。。

而整整令我烦恼的，我连3 个月都无法掌握， 都无能预期会发生的事， 未来， 难以预测。。为何在做任何决定之前， 我都没好好的想个明白。。做了， 才后悔。。

我是不是不应该申请纽西兰的working-holiday? 我方能独活在那？ 这会让我浪费我的时间？还是我应该在2012 才申请？ 2011 年的 旅程， 让我不无法做出决定。。放弃与否， 我真的没方向。。人生应该是现实 还是应该有梦想？ 没有梦想的城市好孤单。是真的吗？ 这一秒的决定， 会使我变得孤单吗？ 太多的顾虑 与担心，会是我的绊脚石吗？ 在几十年后的我， 再次看到这篇文章， 我会锤自己的心头， 不断猛敲我的脑袋， 怪自己今时所分析的答案吗？应该这样吗？应该那样吗？鱼与熊掌， 更本对于我而言， 不能兼得。。我只能得到鱼或 熊掌。。QUANTITY SURVEYOR 是我的终生职业吗？ 我真的能轻易的爱上这份职业吗？ 一个还没准备好的我， 能全新全意投入我的工作岗位吗？ 我心里， 比任何人更明白， 我适不适合， 我喜不喜欢。此时此刻， 我一点都不感兴趣。。门也没！！当初的一句话，“别把兴趣当饭吃， 金钱跑在头” 放弃自己要念的科系。。 我连坚持到底的精神都没有。。英文不好， 另我退缩。。到了此刻， 就将毕业， 我却害怕面对这个社会，原因无它。只因害怕遗弃自己。。害怕信心爆跌。无能担任， 自卑的能力。。无法掌握的责任。。自以为是的性格令我无法承担。爱面子， 不能受教， 是我今生的死点。。

我只能对上苍祈祷， 别让我有太多的想法， 我只要正确的好办法。。我该懂了。。。。。。。。。。

......a title with a untitled.

a day, a life with "abundance" of assignment and FYP life is really gasp...the date line is coming soon, but still feel like doing nothing on this time...or in the other word, still relaxing now..study 3 days, n rest for 4 days..really better den working..Unfortunately, make me got no mood to start my job yet..sad...

HisTory

Everything be a history after 7 month..There are bitter n sweet memory .i never expect that i had gone through my training period.I had request extention for 1 month..what a story i had created in my life..quite unbelieveable. a small farewell frm my boss to zhui xin japanese restaurant..even a small celebration, but it reli meaningful. and also thnx vinitha"lunch buffet"..a senior who are close to me during my training..bcos of u, my training life not tat dull..at least, i have some buddy to talk with..

nothing more..but jst feel tat bad luck were near to be now..hp , laptop, DVD also get something wrong now..or in another words, i shud appreciate, it not reli mulfunction, at least i stil cn send to repair,better den i need to buy a new 1..definitely what a month .........
left 3 week to my new sem, seem likes time pass so fast, my FYP ar,,haven touch yet..a little bit sad ><>..anyone else?

重庆火锅。。。

lalalalala...let me show 1 steamboat places -重庆火锅 that i went there today..with the curiousity, wish to try out something new, i went to here, which near to Metro Prima..the same row with babylon..

quite surprise when saw there is like ala carte, everything is side dishes, me n weo start to stare each others, bt we cnt jst leave there, cos we get in the restaurant edi, by the way, the waitress jst besides us..hw we going to escape..NO choice, hav to stay here...the most worrying part is, we are so scare not enuf $ to pay the bill..cos in our pocket, there are only 100 bucks..

what can do？ jst order few dishes n decided to have another meal. we order "yin yung- 1 is 营养，& 1 is spicy hot pot somemore is 特辣。weo say she eat til paralytic..at first, i dun hav such feeling, bt end up with gv up n eat the original soup..the spicy hot pot really have a lot of spice.n taste n smell with a little bit 羊骚味。。it not bad..

we just order 2 plate of pork slide= rm18.00, 1 chinese cabbage=4.00, 1 jellyfish=$6.00, 1 flammulina= rm 6.00 , h/made noodle= $6.00, sp pork ball= $ 6.00, 2 pork slide, n soup= RM16.00 n 1 tea = 4.00..total is rm 65.00..so, it can be simplified to say..EXPENSIVE....anyway the spicy hot pot is quite original la..so.....

....dOubted ...

with a happy mood go to work..thought everything will be fine and i am able to finish my Water Reticulation measurement n filling BQ..but after i finished my measurement, it another job for me to fill n write BQ ,omg..even now is my 2nd time to fill the BQ, but i am stil fresh in writing all description and blur with those quantity i need to put in..although i have the sample of BQ, bt it doesn't reli use..That y , i am jst doing simple description to write it down..

Bt who knw, my senior saying, u cnt write like this, n do u measure this n that, omg..i am start to doubt, am i doing the right job? he keep saying, u muz do a probable work, dont do alalang work for me, don't make me in trouble..oh my Gosh, excuse me, i also wish to do a perfect work and show it to u..bt u nvr teach me in a probable way..if i am know, i wont be here to bcum trainee..even, i knw ur starter point is jst for my own good, for sure, i knw it..but i am pretty sure, for this second, i reli reli not capable..i jst a small character..i hope to be like u..bt, not for now...i knw my limitation...in that time, i am start to lose my way...i am start to turn my face to black, not bcos of u, i jst feel, how come i am so flabby, not so steady in my mind?dont put so high expectation on me, i wil let u disappointed...cos, i am nt gud enuf...
by the way, i reli wish to thanx edy n vinitha, they are the1 who accompany me while i stil leave at office for OT, n especially edy, teach me in a right way, explain it to me..m' appreciate it so much...so Touching...kekeke...
so, from now, i must do more than 100% job to ppl, with a heart, a learning heart, "take pains"..put more effort..i am the 1 " iron -willed and unyielding"..i wont easily give up..that wat i promised !!!!

LOVE

feeling on today got a little bit weird..it should be happy once thinking my training wil be end soon..but then, i have another feeling on that..i am start missing here, miss every corner of KSK, every breath i took at here, every second i spent here,,every word i talk to them.. this is normal human being, right? almost 6 months i being here...frm a stranger to bcum closer colleague. From unwilling to go work till is a pleasure for me to be there..NO words can be describe how much i love n miss them.." Fred wil be apart"..it is really a very sad part yea..
come bek to my 2nd working place-tuition centre..reli found those small kid is cute enough..std 1 student suddenly cum forward me n ask me smell his mouth cos he is eating the sweet..he want me to know how nice he eat the sweet..kids ah kid, reli CUTE.....the way they talking sometimes like a kid, bt pattern look like an adult..Resyan, so sorry yea..i reli cnt tahan edi, i cnt control my hand to cubit ur face..
anyway..tomolo is friday, shud be the happy n pretty day for me..someone is going to treat me KFC jor..thnx NG..hope u reli make ur promise ...

what A day...

as usual..going to work..doing the same thing - cut n paste the PAM form..ish..i hate the lunch today..so suffering, there is a cat under my table..shit cat, FXXK cat, heck cat..i already hidden frm u..y u stil jump on my chair n stare at me...excuse me, i am wearing a skirt, there is too big motion for me to turn here n there....huh..on tht time, i reli wish to kill u n feed to the dog as a lunch...
CY ah CY, if i knw u rush for the project, i wont volunteer myself to surrender in front of u..y i asking u to gv me work..jst left 2 hour to let me finish 1 factory architectural measurement..i reli die it for u..i din even cn look clear the drawing..make me feel so....luckily luckily, jst OT for 30minutes..if nt, i reli no time to rush for my 2nd round working places....thnx god..mb i shud praise myself more..racheal, actually u smart enuf..trust ur self..hehe..

Only U....Only u wil make me move toward.....my Dear- $$$$$$.......